2024-11-11 .:. Scaries

Delayed scaries, usually of the Sunday variety, but due to the long weekend they've become Monday scaries. For those not familiar with them, they're usually present as increased anxiety with a helping of despair created by the coming work week. They've started at the scary golden hour, nearing the middle of the afternoon. Usually they don't let up and become more crushing as the day progresses.

After all this time I still haven't come up with a good way of beating them when they make an appearance. Things I've tried: sighing deeply and often, laying on the floor staring at the ceiling while sighing, and doing nothing mixed with sighing. After much experimentation, I've come to the conclusion those methods do not work. The only somewhat workable solution is distraction, also known as pretending they don't exist. That only works if you can truly give in to the distraction. No half-hearted distraction commitment.

What is my distraction? Writing about them. The awful feels softer right now. Once I'm done writing though, I fully expect to have to do combat with them once again.

I used to try to deal with them by reading about them. Read all the advice, maybe there will be a few magic sentences to make them go away. There is no magic grouping of sentences, some kind of incantation, that delivers. I guess what reading about them did is make me aware of the somewhat universality of scaries. I've also read advice that suggests a job change, but I fail to see how that would help anything. The source of the scaries is a job. Maybe you would buy yourself a few months while the scaries regrouped and tracked you down.

In closing, I've bought myself an hour, possibly less, without scaries. It felt good.

2024-11-09 .:. Album Released

The day is upon us. I finally reached a tipping point with where I was at with the songs I recorded so far for the album "Options". So it's been released into the wild.

Being done with the album is kind of a downer. I had fun recording songs for it, but there wasn't any ground left for me to cover, at least in my own thinking about it. I've gotten out what I wanted to get out of it so things reached a natural stopping point.

I think I recorded 10 or 11 songs for the album and 6 survived repeated listenings. Various reasons for cutting the other songs. From my playing was sloppier than usual to the song just didn't fit the mood I was going for.

In the end it was fun forcing myself to record with a real amp, although there is one song that made it onto the album that was recorded with the pedalboard connected to the audio interface. I ended up liking the sound of the amp better than what I was using previously. The only downside is being limited on when you can record during the day.

2024-11-08 .:. Past

So, I've started fleshing out this site and it feels good. Stuff might be split out into more categories eventually, but for now it will do. A new banner might be in order also. I'm not sure what would be a better fit, but that's part of the fun.

I ended up here in a sort of roundabout way. Partly through thinking about the past. The other part through, I guess, wanting to return to part of it and wondering if it still existed in some form. I found out it does still exist. The idea of putting something together in a way that you decide how it will look, what kind of content it will have or not have. I've missed that. It's been a long time since I've had this experience.

There is something I didn't explain though, which is the text on the home page. That leads me to...

Why is the past like a burned out room?

That is the association my brain made. The passage of time kind of makes things unrecognizable. In thinking about the past, it felt like wandering through a place where something had happened, but what at this point is foggy at best. The memories left are only pieces and handling them makes them fall apart. The more you try to bring them back the less recognizable they are.

Such is the passage of time.

On more of a positive note, music is being made. Currently working on a full length album. Kind of based on my above feelings, but also just wanting to make something. There's this constant drive to create stuff and right now it's focused on music.